BROKEN by Meena Diasso

             °4°

Being blank is better than feeling anything and that’s just how my heart feels now just blank, with a sliver of light my creator had brightening a little part of my soul

I felt blank and emotionless the next day I forced myself to smile and laugh at everything that was said like a loon, I  feel so fake cos I know a little push will have me crumbling.  I heaved a sigh and looked over the scope of the program they wanted it to be branded with my name because of the reviews  they had from the audience I liked that I was chosen for this, I heaved a sigh and pushed myself into my seat making the wheel push me backwards,  my telephone beeped I felt reluctant to answer it but pressed the answer button and left it on loud speaker “Ma’am the boss wants to see you in his office now”. She said in her quiet voice I really liked how cool she was, she knew when to back off and keep quiet. “The main boss” she added to clarify what she had said that had me springing up from my seat. “Does he really think I’m going to be all lovey dovey with him because he has dad’s consent” I muttered to myself  immediately I ended the call, I was only doing him a favor.

I wasted a little more than 30 minutes before making my way to his office I stood at the door for sometime, I was lucky Tosin wasn’t around or I wouldn’t have heard the end of it. Come to think of it I’ve not seen her for the past three days and I did not even ask about her,  she always came to my office to say hello, you could never ignore a woman like Tosin there was nothing not to like about her, she’s just full of energy.

I stood  near one of the two chairs at the other side of his desk “Take a seat please” he said motioning to the seats I sat and chirped a quiet “Good afternoon” he smiled and replied “I think we should make it official cos my dad and elders are at your house right now and as we speak your dad has already given out your hand and the nikah will be held in two months time” he said giving me an expectant look I wondered how he wanted me to react.

“Sir I want to ask you a question and I want you to answer me sincerely” I said quietly biting my lip a bit I don’t know where this sudden curiosity peeked from but I wanted to know about Jessica now, and all the girls who must have been his victims “Are you really sure you want this?”, I asked motioning between us with my index finger, I surprise myself sometimes, I really wanted to know about him and Jessica I couldn’t make us go any further without knowing the truth I don’t intend to marry and then divorce afterwards that was just a no no thing for me and I’ll know what to do if he is indeed guilty cos I never want a daughter of mine to go through that kind of trauma.

He gave me a lopsided smile and nodded slightly “You think I’d waste my time pursuing you if I wasn’t interested in you?” he asked rhetorically  standing from his chair he walked to the other side of the room behind me, he walked back then I  felt his breath on my neck he spun my chair and looked intently into my eyes “I don’t know how to make you believe me FATIMA but I’m  soo into you that you are the only woman I’ve really wanted to be with please don’t deny us the chance of being together” he ended his sultry  baritone voice barely above a whisper,  I looked away from the intensity  of his gaze, “So what do you say to us having lunch together I’m your fiancé now you know and I want to know about my future wife the mother of my babies” he added  seductively. I swallowed lightly  I didn’t like how he was  getting  to me I had to remind myself of what he did to Jessica, and I hated myself  for making myself relax in his company and making his words get to me “So?” his words jerked me from my deep thoughts “Uhm most of the workers here think there’s something going on between us and I’ve been made the host of an evening talk show most of those already here would have killed for” I huffed and held up my hand trying to make more emphasis on my next words “I think we should just meet at home instead, and keep whatever will develop between us from work, you know how they say not mixing business with “Pleasure”” I added making quotation marks with my fingers when I said “Pleasure”,  he nodded in understanding “But I you still owe me a lunch date though” he added I  nodded and rose from my seat “I’ll take my leave now Sir” he nodded and winked at me “I’ll see you soon babe” I rolled my eyes when I turned my back to him he was in for a BIG SURPRISE. 

 

***

I leaned into my chair and spun the wheels  I couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica and Ahmad’s case I had to help the girl and I had to nail him down before this disaster of a wedding waiting to happen I took my phone and scrolled uninterestingly through my social media accounts there was nothing interesting as always same old boring and sad stories, I tossed my phone on my desk and thought of my earlier encounter with Ahmad, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face he was in for a BIG SURPRISE if he thought he could have me maybe he might but I wasn’t going down without a fight. 

HE WAS STANDING BY MY CAR WHEN I CAME OUT  he smirked and raised an eyebrow when I made a beeline for the driver’s door he held the handle before I  could reach it “so you didn’t intend to even bid your fiancé goodbye before leaving” he asked playfully, I wondered what he was playing at “I told you I didn’t want anyone to  know about us” I uttered  looking around if anyone was watching  the security guard looked away when our eyes met, “You shouldn’t be worrying about that since we’ll be  marrying in a few months anyway” I huffed and closed my eye praying to retain the patience I was intently losing, I hurriedly opened my eyes when I heard a click sound, I opened my eyes  startled, then another sound went off, “Please delete it” I uttered in a tense voice “Then you’ll have to go to that lunch with me tomorrow then I’ll tell you what to do to make me delete it” he replied swiping the phone in front of me so I had a blur view of it.  

I rolled my eyes and gave his back a dirty look as he walked away, maybe this was my breakthrough my parents will see the real person behind that facade and Jessica the justice she’s seeking for. 

***

Grandma  almost talked my ear off about how Ahmad’s family were so keen on the nikah date dad gave to be pushed forward a bit but dad had insisted on the two months he had given, it really irritated me how dad had taken them in maybe his parents were honorable people but Ahmad is a different case all together and since I have no concrete evidence on all the claims I had to pretend to be  interested in this “union” to get them off my back I just pray they see him for who he is before the sh*t hit the fan. 
I stilled when I heard daddy’s voice call my name as I shoved my bag in my backseat, I smiled and greeted him, I really didn’t want him to bring Ahmad’s case up, I didn’t want to  face dad or talk to him about Ahmad.  

Dad wasn’t at home when I cameback from work yesterday, and did not join us for dinner, it was granny, Sameer, Saleem, mom and I, and granny couldn’t stop blabbering about my “upcoming wedding”, I was happy dad wasn’t around cos I didn’t know  if I could still continue with the pretence, he would have seen right through me. 

“Mamana why are you leaving so early for work today?” dad asked in a clearly surprised voice, I smiled widely trying to think of the best excuse I could come up with, I am a lawyer and know how to read people but I sometimes think I inherited that ability from dad cos he was really good at reading people and could smell a lie miles away, “I was called in early, the lady I help to host the morning show called in sick so I was asked to come early to  cover in for her” I replied before greeting him, he smiled and answered, I took that as my cue to leave, “So daddy doesn’t get a hug, even after you didn’t see me yesternight?” he asked when I rounded up to the driver’s door , I smiled and rushed to where he was my shoes clicking loudly as I did so,  he hugged me then looked down at the shoes, “I sometimes worry you might sprain your ankle with these kind of shoes” he complained frowning at my feet, I pouted and shook my head “But I love them dad”, he shook his head then held my head so I was looking into his eyes,  “I want to talk to you about this marriage when you come back from work today, I’ll round things up at the office today so  I can join you for dinner” I swallowed nervously at his words, then nodded and smiled. He hugged me then walked me to my car and opened the door for me “I’m really proud of you Mamana, see you later in the evening”, I nodded and waved at him before driving out of the house.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the little conversation I had with dad as I rode to work “Was dad going to give me an outlet” I sighed as I came to the large building’s parking lot, I wasted a little more time in the car before opening the door, I looked over at my outfit again an ankle length teal dress with a jacket then my high heels, the security guard who was at the gate yesterday gave me a knowing smile I returned it with a strained one and went in, I waved at the receptionist who was the gossip mill of the office so I never really greeted or talked to her until it was really necessary to do so. 

***

The day went by in a blur and quite uneventful Ahmad didn’t take me to lunch as he promised and I did not even receive a phone call or any message from him, I was somehow annoyed cos he was the one who insisted and asked me out.  The only highlight of my day was the meeting I had with my producers we came up with a name for the show, and I loved the rationale behind it, “LIFE WITH FATIMA” it centered on almost everything that concerned us, but mostly on woman empowerment I loved the show already and I know the public is going to love it. 

I checked my phone if I had any missed calls I had a message I checked it and it was from the my network provider Gosh life sucks. 
Dedicated to Fatima Kaka

honeys2016.wordpress.com

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