BROKEN by Meena Diasso 



MY SHOW IS HAVING GOOD REVIEWS AND THIS IS ONLY MY FIRST SHOW, I couldn’t get the smile off my face when I saw his message, some of the workers couldn’t get over themselves that we were married there were already rumors that we dated before I came to work here it’s a good thing he’s not much  into the media part of the business or it would have been much worse .

Lola was so happy she has a countdown calendar  to when  I was  going to give birth,  I heard it accidentally though when she was telling one of her friends. 

Mom gave me a bone crushing hug when I got home,  dad congratulated me but there was no sign of Ahmad, I bathed did my nightly routine but there was still no sign of him, my phone rang and it was mom “Hi mom”, We talked for hours, she said dad was out of the country again I felt really sad for her, she’s the only one   at home luckily she had Jummai, I asked for the phone to be given to her and talked to  her before ending the  call. 

I took my phone and read his message, It was nothing romantic but it was still touching “I know you’ll do great cos u’re full of greatness and whatever you involve yourself in turns great, love UR HUBBY” he really liked reminding me of my relationship status I smiled and texted back
 “I’m glad knowing I  have a supportive and loving husband, you make me great and strive to be greater love UR WIFE”

 I clicked the send button before I could change my mind,  my phone rang immediately the message went through, I hesitated answering it but touched the answer pad before it ended
 “Hello could I please speak with Mrs Abubakar?”  I knew his words had double meaning, I wasn’t really trying on building our relationship I hated my bipolar behavior  “I don’t know if she’s the one cos I know a few Mrs Abubakar, my mom is one you know?” “Really?” he asked “Yup” I replied shortly “Then please give the phone to Mrs Abubakar aka Fatima Umar Alkali” “Ok” I replied “she’s here, Thanks for the message”     I said in a serious tone “You know you deserved it” he  replied “You’ll be one of the greatest talk show host in the history of talk shows” he added “In Shaa Allah” I exclaimed “So where are you?” I asked as I lied on the bed and pulled the blanket over me. “Oh I’m actually lodged in a hotel in Kano” my eyes widened like he could see me “Kano-?” I asked confused “But you never told me you were going to Kano ” “And you never ask me anything” he replied jokingly but I knew he was serious I breathed deeply I knew I wasn’t doing anything positive in our relationship but he could have just told me he was going to  another state. “I didn’t mean to come off like that but I would have been happy  if you told me you were not coming home tonight_”It’s hard to fall asleep when you’re not around” I murmured in addition “What did you say?”  he asked but I kept mute I think my voice is more audible at night even a whisper turns out loud. 

“Fatima I really love you, you know but I have a feeling you’re hiding something from me you told me you had problems before our wedding please share them with me” he muttered, tears welled in my eyes “Ahmad I -” I couldn’t hold the sudden tears that constricted in my chest.  “I-I -” I ended the call. It rang again but I didn’t pick it up I sobbed muffling my sobs with the pillow, Why did he have to bring that up. 

I hate living in the past, my therapist once told me I was like a girl living in a woman’s body, I become “THAT GIRL” when things get out of hand “THAT  BROKEN GIRL”,  some people have been in far worse conditions, I mean mine is just a scratch compared to the deep scars some are dealing with  but here I am still stuck in the past, making my demons rule My life, I’m so messed up”.


I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WITH HER I runned my hand through my shaved hair, I hated feeling like this, being clueless I needed some answers dammit we’ve been together for two months and the closest I’ve been with her is a hug and holding her to sleep, which sometimes resulted to bruises if I tried going  any further, I needed answers I hit the wall with my right fist hurting my knuckles. The job here is no where close to being done, I was needed in Maiduguri the next day, maybe I should be a little gentle with her but the silence  was killing me, I promised I wasn’t going to my old ways,  maybe this is a punishment for all my promiscuous acts, and I needed to help my girl get over this,  I loved my girl and she’ll be worth the wait. 

I had a call with from the Manager, they had a problem with the delivery of the construction materials, the delivery car was in an accident, we had a deadline to meet up, and some of these materials I had to go abroad to order I was beyond pissed the driver was dead, so there was no way I’ll make it home now I’ll have to straighten things here and visit the family of the deceased. 

I called her but she didn’t answer, I thought of texting her, but I called mom instead, I told her I’ll be home but only to pack a few things and get ready for my trip to Germany. 

She was at work when I got home I wanted to call again but my pride wasn’t letting me,  she must have seen my missed  call but  opted not to call back  so I wasn’t going to call, I bid mom and dad goodbye. “Have you told Fatima about this sudden  trip?” mom asked “Yes mom I called her in the morning”. “Ok” mom said frowning a bit. 


IT’S BEEN A MONTH AND A HALF SINCE I SPOKE WITH HIM, he’s not been home since then and I couldn’t make myself ask mom about him,  I was bathing when he called me the day after we had that talk, I wanted to call him but I didn’t know what I’d say if he asked for an explanation.

 Aunty Zainab teased me and always had a teasing remark to make about my show, I loved when she visited with her boys, she’s nicknamed me her “celebrity in-law”. 

Especially how people opened  up to me, my first show is still embedded in my mind how the veteran military were suffering some of them were amputated and lived in very horrible conditions after forced into early retirement.  Some had psychological issues after fighting in war zone areas for long it was so sad, but we have hope it was recently reported that the government has commissioned the opening of a rehabilitation center for them and a house had been added to their retirement package. 

Maria is pregnant she’s 4 months along and doesn’t go out often because of the complications in her earlier pregnancies. 

I’m definitely on my way to depression, my show is the only thing I look up to, Mom and dad were out on a little getaway I feel so lonely, I sometimes visited mom but it was still not enough, I almost begged Aunty Zainab to give me her phone when I heard her talking to him but he ended the call immediately she handed the phone to me, I had to fake the conversation, it really hurted, it seems he spoke to everyone but me. 

Mom said she frequently spoke with him, I’ve grown lean and my smiles are now much fake than they’ve ever been. I looked at the number on my phone contemplating on what my next move should be, I copied his number  from mom’s  phone, he answered it on the first ring “Hello…. ” I really missed his voice, I was tongue tied he was the only one who could do this to me “I’m ending the call if you’re not going to talk” the line went dead and the waterworks started.  I really missed him it kinda hurt he’s been gone for almost two months.

I didn’t make breakfast cos mom and dad were not around, I switched on the radio after strapping the seatbelt around me, they were having a  studio discussion. 

 “A pedophile rapist deserves to be killed and don’t forget it’s incest,  how cruel can a man be sleeping with his daughter impregnating her countless times” I heard the host say. 

I abruptly stopped  the car  making the car behind me run into mine I jerked forward from the push and zoned out, I couldn’t stop the tears, how cruel can a man be? sleeping with his own daughter, the cars behind me honked some of them raining insults on me, I had to move cos I had caused a small traffic. 

I was very quiet today, the news was all over the papers I couldn’t even make myself read it,  I said I had demons mine was peanuts compared to this girl’s. 

We did a rerun of the previous shows cos I couldn’t do anything but think about the girl.

“How was she doing? Did she have anyone to console her?”


This is just the beginning……….. 
Dedicated to Fatima Kaka 


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