A year on……



For better for best I’ve always sought, I had the best and held it loosely afraid holding it tight would make it mean more than it was. 

Totally clueless its worth was beyond my imagination. We obsess so much for worldly desires which only tends to makes us lose focus on our main purpose. 

The love of money makes us do so many absurdities which not only does the society frown on but the creator. 

Losing Steph has been the most painful thing I’d ever  endured, I would gladly  go through another surgery with no anesthetia to numb  the pain for the outer pain felt like a prick to the pain I felt inside.
Nora and mom took care of me at the hospital but didn’t talk to me,  it took a failed  suicide for them to realize I was depressed. 
I slowly wiped the tears that had made it to my cheek, my retribution is the love I now feel for him,  and being practically a zombie. 

The only thing I do is go to my mom’s shop when I have nothing to do at my farm. 

I took off the dirty gloves from my hand and washed them,  mom and I were throwing a surprise birthday party for Nora. 

I called the event planner as I drove into the city, she confirmed everything was ready.

  I frowned a bit when I got to the venue,  the place was eerily quiet,  it was almost time so people would troop in soon and from what I could make out no progress had been made,  I called again but the call went unanswered. 

I called mom’s line, it also went unanswered,  I was so  close  to losing my temper now. 

I opened the car door and walked out looking around if I could find anyone,  I walked straight to the door and was surprised to find it ajar. Maybe robbers attacked them,  the little light gleaming from my phone was what helped me move around. 

With the help of my phone I looked around the wall if I  could make out where the switch was, the room suddenly lit up.  I was surprised to find my name engraved symmetrically on the wall.

I tsked and started dialling the event planner’s number again. 

Maybe she made a mistake. 

                    ° …•…°…•…°…•…°

Heartbeats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I’m afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more


I closed my eyes when the fragrance I’ve yearned for what seemed like eternity wafted through  my nostril as  Christina Perri’s song played in the background. I dragged a long breath giving in to the deception of my sense. 

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What’s standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more

“My life has been on a standstill since the day  I left you at the hospital” 

I turned abruptly almost losing my balance.  My senses seem to be in overdrive today my ears, eyes and nostrils seem to have taken the job away from my mind today  ,  I was the one at fault and I’ve regretted it with every breath I’ve taken in the past year.
One step closer

One step closer
He moved forward, and held my hand,  my eyes widened I tightened my hands around his,  “Please forgive me Steph,  don’t leave me again,  I regret all that I’ve done”  I touched his face, his beard seem to have thickened, he wrapped his arms around me I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes, I reopened them looking up to his face afraid he might disappear if I kept them closed. 
“I’ll not leave,  sorry for punishing us this much” he whispered, wiping tears I didn’t even know I was shedding,  he  kissed my head as we slowly danced to the last part of the  song.

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more.

                ° …•…°…•…°…•…°
 I stood at the side of the altar in my  peach colored maiden of honor gown watching as my best friend got hitched to the player now turned committed fian-no husband.. I smiled at Steph, he looked very handsome  in his suit, I fanned my eyes to prevent the tear at the brink of my eyes fall. Nora’s eyes were filled with so much love and sincerity as she looked into the eyes of Steve while saying her vow.  

I wish I had been as much sincere during my wedding.  I stole a glance at Steve, and quickly looked away when our eyes met.  
Was he truly over what happened? ..

My heart sank when I realized what I really made him go through.
I didn’t talk to him during the short car ride to the reception,  I bolted out of the car to the ladies immediately it stopped.

Mom and Steph were the first I saw  on the dance floor when I reentered the hall,  they were laughing and dancing,  Steph was not a good dancer especially to the hi-life song that was playing. He stilled and looked around,  I returned the huge smile plastered on his face when our eyes met. He bent and said something in mom’s ear then made a beeline to where I was.  

“Hey beautiful” I chuckled at his greeting “what is a beautiful lady  like you doing alone don’t you have a boyfriend?” I shrugged struggling to keep a straight face,  “Hope no one will beat me up when I dance with you, can I have this dance?” he asked as the song changed to a slow R’n’B. 

He dipped his head down and kissed the little bare space between my neck and shoulder, he held my chin up looking deep into my eyes.

“Nothing really matters to me as long as I have you,  never doubt my love for you,  don’t dwell on our past mistakes, the past will forever stay where it is,  what we are obliged to do is focus on the present cos it determines the future,  I love you Cassie, that’s what really matters”

That was all I needed then to clear my doubts,  he loved me and that’s all that matter.  “I love you too” he smiled and pecked me on the cheek. 
I patted my tummy discreetly praying my suspicions were right. 

I looked to where the bride and her groom were seated,  she gave me a thumbs up , Steph being who he was winked at me,  I gave them a smile and looked around mom was in a  deep conversation with Nora’s mom,  her dad was at the other side with a bunch of his friends. Almost every guest was either from mom’s,  Nora’s parents,  my farm or Steph’s company, with others from Senior high or tertiary. 

I looked back at Steph whose eyes were on me all the while,  I tightened the hold I had around his and rested my head on his chest listening to the rhythmical beat of his heart.  


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