JAMAL WAS SITTING ON the bedside stool holding my left hand tightly I slowly opened my eyes, he gave me a sad smile and kissed my hand I smiled back I closed my eyes again and it all came back to me I tried pulling my hand but felt too weak and this might be the last time we’ll be together I took one last look at my surrounding I closed my eyes again this room is the beginning of the end for me I was very happy when I came here and I was going to leave a broken hearted girl tears rolled down my face I felt him wipe away tears “I want to see my dad” I said in a hoarse voice “I want to leave this place, I can’t stand the place, please take me home” my voice was weak when I finished “We’ll have to wait till morning princess, the doctor said you need rest, and it’s not daybreak yet” I tried rising from bed but still felt dizzy, he held me “you shouldn’t do that you might hurt yourself” “I want to use the washroom” I said weakly he helped me to the washroom and seated me on the toilet seat “Will you need help” I shook my head and replied “No you can leave” he reluctantly left the room.
I stood and held the sink, looking at my reflection on the mirror, I looked haggard and have lost a little weight, I closed my eyes and placed my hand on my chest I felt like strings were being pulled from my heart, it hurts so much “why me?” I asked as I cried softly, I rinsed my face and performed ablution I’m going to be alright I’m not the first person to ever be deceived into falling in love with the wrong person and I’m not going to be the last, I’ll shed no more tears; I know my heart doesn’t believe all this pep talk but I had to say it more often maybe I might believe it. He had a worried look on his face when I came out and looked away when he smiled.
I’ll have to ask dad if his allegations were true but I’m leaving him anyways he was plotting against my dad and thought he could hurt dad by using me, I won’t let that happen I just pray dad wasn’t a murderer cos the law had to take its due cause if dad was found guilty.
He entered the bathroom when I sat on the prayer mat, it was not yet prayer time so I took my phone and started reciting the Quran, my heart felt at ease at that moment, I heard as he came out of the bathroom and put on his jalabab, I didn’t mind him when he said he was leaving for the mosque.
I did my prayers and felt more energetic, I dressed up and packed my things on the two trolley bags I had brought, then called the reception to get me a cab. I sat on one of the stools with my suitcases on the floor next to me, waiting for their call to come through.
Jamal entered the room and was very surprised when he saw me all dressed up with my suitcase the telephone rang just then “I’ll be out right now, thank you”. I stood and took the handle of my suitcases “Where are -you going?” he stammered “I told you I wanted a divorce earlier, I can’t be with someone who is using me to get what he wants, I’m very sad for what you went through but I know dad had nothing to do with it or he would have told me”…. I sighed and closed my eyes willing the tears that had welled in my eyes not to fall “Please Liyah don’t punish me by leaving I don’t know what will become of me if you leave, I swear I’ll give up my plans against your dad just don’t leave me, I really need you” he said hugging me tightly, I went limp in his hand for a while and returned his hug when a tear fell on my shoulder, I could feel his pain but he never loved me.
The phone rang again , “the cab is waiting ma’am” the receptionist said when the call went on answer machine, I pushed him back and smiled sadly “I have to leave Jamal and if you truly love me you won’t come after me, I need to know the truth”.
He nodded and gingerly wiped away his tears, I pulled my suitcase and left the room I gave my surrounding a final look as I walked to the reception I don’t think I’ll be visiting the place anytime soon, not even the region which happens to be my favorite.
SHE LEFT ME, this is my worst nightmare come to pass, first I didn’t want to love her more than I did now because I didn’t want to have to choose between her and the vengeance I sought but the last thing on my mind right now is revenge, I had to seek justice for my parents and sister, I heard the soldier when he told dad he had been given orders by Lieutenant Amin to kill him, I heard them, I closed my eyes and burst into tears I’ve never been so clueless in my life could I give up on the revenge like I truly said, I wanted to call granny maybe she could soothe me this is really hard on me, I wanted her more than anything else, I needed her like I needed my next breath.
She would be at by home now I wonder if she has already told her dad, I can’t even get angry at her dad anymore when I remember what her dad did does this mean I have forgiven him, I shook my head vehemently and hit the wooden door with my fist, my knuckles hurt but the hurt pacified me, maybe hurting myself might reduce the self hate I felt. The two people I hate right now are myself and Dr Amin, especially myself I should have told her the truth earlier maybe she could have understood me. But I’ll respect her wishes and stay away for sometime, she needed to cool off she has been through enough already.
I’m also a bit relieved that she’s found out the truth.
I called granny and relayed what transpired between us, she was sad Liyah had left me and even volunteered to talk her into coming back to me but I stopped her “I want her to have time to look into things granny but I really hurt” my voice was a bit strained “Jamal you should have told her something, I don’t like talking about your parents and sister’s death but I think you also need therapy, you need to get over it, I’m coming over to that place” my granny is my confidante, I was much closer to granny than granddad “I’ll have to go now granny no need to come over I’ll call you when I need you to” “Take care of yourself Jamal don’t do anything stupid, and you can come join us”
I laid back and reminisced the time my parents were killed “It was a Friday night my dad was looking into a military corruption issue, weapons and funds that were supposed to go into the training and recruitment of military personnel were missing, and there was also rumours of a coup being planned by Dr Amin, dad had called the minister for defence for questioning and was killed a few days after.
I was on the tree house when they invaded the house I was playing hide and seek with Maya and she had ran into the house, I heard a gunshot and a shout some few minutes later and another one I ran into the house but stopped when I heard them talking “Lieutenant Amin Mahmud sent us, he said you called him about the missing weapons and this is the reply he asked us to give you rest in pieces” he said and pulled the trigger “Boom” I felt like shouting but fell silent, I went back to the tree house and hid they poured gasoline around the building and lit the place up I cried my heart out, my life took a complete turn then.
The fire service were quick to extinguish the fire and everything that happened after was like a dream I was flied to the US by my grandparents, went for therapy it’s even a miracle I became normal I never told my grandparents I knew the one behind their death but the thought of revenge kept me going and now here I am doubting the very facts I’ve always known.